Signing Off / With Gratitude

Have you ever started something, only to find yourself apathetic or discontent once the newness wore off?

That has been the story of my life in more areas than I care to admit. I search for identity in something outside myself. I get excited about what it could become. Then, when things get hard or the results don’t look the way I imagined, I pull the ripcord and move on to the next thing.

Dry Bones was born in the middle of some of that messiness. I wanted to share what God was doing in and through me as it was happening, without pretending I had everything figured out. I wanted to offer hope by being honest about a life He was still changing.

Because coming to Christ doesn’t mean the struggle is over. The Christian life can be lonely, joyful, disappointing, exciting, and revealing. Just when I think I’ve made some great progress, another test comes along and humbles me again.

I can’t tell you how many layers of pride God has exposed in me over these past three years. I certainly can’t tell you how many remain. But the more time I spend with Him, the more gracious I realize He truly is. The longer I look into the mirror of His Word, the more clearly I see how much of me still needs to change, and how dependent I am on Him to change it.

He has brought me so far. Yet the trials still uncover places in my heart I’ve been reluctant to surrender.

This blog became one of those places.

I hoped Dry Bones would encourage people and eventually grow into something that could help support different ministries. Those desires were real. But after a year of silence and reflection, I’ve begun to wonder whether its staying small was also an expression of God’s grace.

Honestly, I don’t know that I could have handled the success I wanted.

Somewhere along the way, I wrapped my identity in the outcome. I wanted to share what God had done, but I also wanted the response to tell me something about myself: that I had a purpose, that I was useful, that I was doing enough for Him.

My emotions rose and fell with the responses.

And it wasn’t just the blog. I’ve seen the same pattern in leading small groups, in my family, on mission trips, and in my work. I want to control the outcome. I want to see the fruit. When I can’t, I become discouraged. Sometimes I run and hide. I tell myself the lack of visible fruit, or the presence of opposition, must mean this wasn’t God’s will after all.

Then a three-year career loop brought me back to the place I had left.

On one very lonely car ride, I asked God, “What was all of this for? Why am I back where I started?”

What I believe He began showing me was that, through every one of those experiences, He had been drawing me into a deeper relationship with Him.

I had been so busy chasing ministry opportunities and new ventures, hoping the next thing would finally reveal my purpose, that I was missing the people and opportunities already in front of me.

Lately, I’m learning to give my attention to being faithful where God has me today. To love the people in front of me. To do the work in front of me. To trust Him with what I cannot see or control.

That is harder for me than dreaming about something out on the horizon. But I have spent enough time looking toward the next thing to recognize how much I can miss right here.

The future belongs to Him. I want to remain willing if He gives me another task, while learning to be present in the life He has already given me.

So, with gratitude and some sadness, I’m preparing to close Dry Bones. My current plan is to keep the site available through October 22, then take it down.

Part of that decision is the cost of keeping it running. Part is recognizing the responsibility that comes with writing publicly about faith, and wanting to be honest about how much I’m still learning. And part is letting go of something whose results became too closely tied to how I saw myself.

I truly hope something here has helped you. If these words gave even one person hope or helped someone feel less alone, I am grateful. I’m still amazed that this little blog reached people around the world.

Thank you for reading, for encouraging me, and for walking alongside me over these past three years. Thank you for giving me grace when I wrote as though I had more figured out than I really did, including those moments when I thought I had God figured out.

I’m not done writing, and I’m not done creating. For now, I’ll share on my Facebook and Instagram pages as I have something to say.

It has been a gift to look back and see what God has done in my life. He saved a broken sinner like me, and He continues to meet me with grace I could never earn or repay. I want to spend the life He has given me sharing the love of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, wherever He has me.

Thank you for being part of Dry Bones Walking Company.

All glory to Him.

Amen.